Just ask an AI to write it in the style of a pro wrestler.
Oh yeah, brother! We gather here today on this righteous battlefield, a real smackdown between the living and the departed. Ooh yeah! Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers laid the foundation for this great nation, oh yeah!
Now we're in a big time civil war, testing whether this nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We're talking about a government of the people, by the people, for the people, and nobody does it better than the Macho Man, oh yeah!
But we're here to honor those who gave everything, the fallen warriors who went down in the ultimate showdown. We're stepping into the squared circle of freedom, and we won't let it be taken away, not on my watch, oh no!
This nation, under the stars and stripes, shall not perish from the Earth, because the Macho Man and the power of the people will rise to the occasion. Ooh yeah! So let freedom ring, ring, ring throughout the ages, and may the spirit of liberty live forever, dig it!