📰News 🐒 Monkey News 🐵

[DocZaius]

Typing monkey would be unable to produce 'Hamlet' within the lifetime of the universe, study finds

A new study reveals it would take far longer than the lifespan of our universe for a typing monkey to randomly produce Shakespeare. So, while the Infinite Monkey Theorem is true, it is also somewhat misleading.

phys.org

 

[DocZaius]

Dozens of monkeys escape from research facility in South Carolina

Dozens of monkeys have escaped from a research facility in South Carolina, authorities said.

www.wral.com

Having recently gained the power of speech, faint cries of "FOR PEANUT!" were heard as they made their escape.

 

[Evil gator]

Hopefully not full of some weird disease

 

[DocZaius]

 

[RIP]

This is how planet of the apes started.

 

[52:20]

How can they tell them from the locals?

 

[Gatorbreeze]

With four primates still on the loose after 43 of them escaped on Nov. 6 from the Alpha Genesis Inc. research laboratory in South Carolina, the Low Country facility has come under intense scrutiny.

Animal rights groups have cited the company's history of violations and previous monkey breakouts; a member of Congress has called for an inquiry into its oversight by multiple federal agencies; and residents voiced concern the furry fugitives might spread disease throughout their community.

On top of it all, Alpha Genesis founder and CEO Gregory Westergaard told ABC News his company is investigating whether the release of the monkeys was "an intentional act" by an employee.

The quest for freedom by the pack of young female rhesus macaques coincides with the rapid expansion of the 100-acre Alpha Genesis facility and is casting light on a disruption in the U.S. medical research industry that sounds like a plot for a science fiction thriller. A 2023 report sponsored by the National Institutes of Health warned of a crisis involving the Chinese government that "undermines the security of the nation’s biomedical research enterprise."

Escaped primates open can of worms for South Carolina's Alpha Genesis research lab

Since the escape of 43 primates on Nov. 6 from the Alpha Genesis research laboratory in South Carolina, the facility has come under scrutiny

abcnews.go.com

 

[DocZaius]

With four primates still on the loose after 43 of them escaped on Nov. 6 from the Alpha Genesis Inc. research laboratory in South Carolina, the Low Country facility has come under intense scrutiny.

Animal rights groups have cited the company's history of violations and previous monkey breakouts; a member of Congress has called for an inquiry into its oversight by multiple federal agencies; and residents voiced concern the furry fugitives might spread disease throughout their community.

On top of it all, Alpha Genesis founder and CEO Gregory Westergaard told ABC News his company is investigating whether the release of the monkeys was "an intentional act" by an employee.

The quest for freedom by the pack of young female rhesus macaques coincides with the rapid expansion of the 100-acre Alpha Genesis facility and is casting light on a disruption in the U.S. medical research industry that sounds like a plot for a science fiction thriller. A 2023 report sponsored by the National Institutes of Health warned of a crisis involving the Chinese government that "undermines the security of the nation’s biomedical research enterprise."

Escaped primates open can of worms for South Carolina's Alpha Genesis research lab

Since the escape of 43 primates on Nov. 6 from the Alpha Genesis research laboratory in South Carolina, the facility has come under scrutiny

abcnews.go.com

The most surprising part to me is that they caught most of them.

 

[DocZaius]

200 Monkeys Attacked a Police Station in Thailand

The town of Lopburi in central Thailand has been overrun with aggressive monkeys. The little bastards have been running amok.

www.vice.com

 

[DocZaius]

New monkey sightings in Florida: What to do, what not to do if you see one

Experts say rhesus macaques, vervet monkeys, squirrel monkeys can carry infections like herpes B that can be physically transmitted to humans.

www.yahoo.com

 

[Juggs]

Shoot it, the end.

 

[Gatorbreeze]

‘Total chaos’: Monkey blamed for nationwide power cut in Sri Lanka

Energy minister says monkey ‘came into contact with grid transformer’, causing hours-long outage in sweltering heat

www.theguardian.com

A countrywide power outage in Sri Lanka has been blamed on a monkey that clambered into a power station south of Colombo.

The blackout, which began around midday on Sunday, left many people sweltering in temperatures exceeding 30C (86F).


“A monkey came into contact with our grid transformer, causing an imbalance in the power system,” the energy minister, Kumara Jayakody, told reporters.

Engineers scrambled to restore power in the island nation of 22 million people, prioritising critical facilities such as hospitals and water purification plants. While some areas regained electricity within hours, many households without generators remained in the dark well into the night.

 

[Tommy]

Confirmed it wasn’t Doc?

 

[Gatorbreeze]

Confirmed it wasn’t Doc?

He's the Master Monkey brains of the gang.

 

[DocZaius]

No way I could climb up a pole nowadays.

 

[Tommy]

No way I could climb up a pole nowadays.

View attachment 39215

Hope you gave up swinging on one

 

[DocZaius]

 

[Gatorbreeze]

Monkey uses human-like hand signals to direct traffic

A wild monkey became a traffic cop for a day during a hilarious scene in Thailand. The macaque had climbed down from the roadside trees and began using hand gestures to passing automobiles at the K…

nypost.com

 

[DocZaius]

Missouri foster mom to 200 is accused of trading a child for an exotic monkey

Brenda Ruth Deutsch, 70, was arrested on abuse allegations.

www.nbcnews.com

 

[DocZaius]

Grand jury indicts 11 more individuals for involvement with online groups dedicated to monkey torture & mutilation

CINCINNATI – An indictment was unsealed today charging 11 defendants from across the United States for their alleged involvement with online groups dedicated to creating and distributing videos depicting acts of extreme violence and sexual abuse against monkeys.

www.justice.gov

 

[DocZaius]

I don’t condone hitting or taunting monkeys but man, I love it when they get that shocked look on their faces.

 

[RIP]

I will never taunt a monkey. Fuck that.

 

[DocZaius]

Agreed. Not for me, but I SO love how offended they look when someone does.

 

[DocZaius]

 

[DocZaius]

New charges for Missouri foster mom accused of trading child for monkey

LINCOLN COUNTY, Mo. – A Missouri foster mother accused of trading a child for an exotic monkey faces new criminal charges, less than a month after she was released on bond.

On Monday, the Lincoln County Prosecuting Attorney’s Office charged Brenda Deutsch, 70, with one felony count of stealing and three felony counts of forgery.

Earlier this year, Deutsch was charged with endangering the welfare of a child and two counts of abuse or neglect, a bizarre case involving allegations of a child being traded to someone in Texas for a monkey.

New charging documents allege that Deutsch submitted invoices received reimbursement for respite care services that were never provided.


According to a probable cause statement obtained by FOX 2, Deutsch is accused of multiple criminal offenses, including theft and forgery, from July 2022 to November 2024.

Deutsch reportedly appropriated $962 from the Children’s Division in Lincoln County by submitting false invoices, claiming two acquaintances had provided respite care services.

During interviews, both individuals told investigators they did not provide services or receive payment from Deutsch, contradicting claims made in the submitted invoices.

The forgery charges stem from forms that Deutsch submitted with a forged signature that purported to be one of the two questioned individuals, who told investigators the invoices were not signed by him.

According to the probable cause statement, Deutsch’s bank records show she received nearly $2,000 in total respite care reimbursements linked to the false claims.

According to Missouri online court records, a warrant was issued for Deutsch’s arrest on Monday, but it’s unclear if she is back in custody.

According to previous FOX 2 reports, Deutsch had fostered hundreds of children and allegedly had more than 200 hotline calls linked to her address before her previous arrest.