Scouting Report: Louisiana State University Tigers

[The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman]

Founded: 1946 was a boom year for universities. After World War II ended in 1945, soldiers couldn't wait to return home and start a university with their wives. Louisiana State University was no exception. Private Milton Beverly returned home from the war to his wife, Beverly, and the two spent all night in steamy talks about starting a university. Things like academic standards, public vs. private funding, and mission statements. Real kinky shit that would make your grandmother blush. The idea gestated for nine months before finally coming to fruition. Louisiana State University was born on August 11, 1946 at 11:34 a.m. with only minimal defects.


Location: Anywhere bourbon and gumbo are served in mass quantities.


Least Famous Alum: Fernando Aguirre. Class of '99. Majored in microbiology. Walked into a Stargate someone mistakenly left open and no one's heard from him since.


Head Coach: Les Miles. How do you outsmart a man who possesses no brain?


Strengths: Very intimidating game faces.


[TABLE="class: tr-caption-container"]
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[TD="align: center"][/TD]
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[TD="class: tr-caption, align: center"]Damn. That's intense[/TD]
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[TD="align: center"][/TD]
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[TD="class: tr-caption, align: center"]Look at this son of a bitch.
I wouldn't want to lineup in front
of him.[/TD]
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[TD="align: center"][/TD]
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[TD="class: tr-caption, align: center"]Not a bad idea to lock up your
wife and kids when this guy's
around.[/TD]
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[TD="class: tr-caption, align: center"]I just shit my pants a little.[/TD]
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[TD="align: center"][/TD]
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[TD="class: tr-caption, align: center"]Jesus Christ, tone it down, man!
Are you trying to give people
nightmares?[/TD]
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Weaknesses: With only two attempts on the season, the Tigers have shown no confidence to throw on 4th down.



Player to Watch: QB Zach Mettenberger. After having a disappointing junior season, he is having an outstanding senior year, which means he's due to implode.


Fun Fact: You can't get arrested in Louisiana. For anything. Seriously. If you're going to the game, try it out. Go ahead. Throw a brick through a bar window for not serving you after 2 a.m. People will pat you on the back. Take a piss in the middle of the road while high on PCP. Just a normal occurrence. Steal a horse, get it drunk and let it loose on the field. You will be hailed as a legend.


Bonus Fun Fact: The French phrase, "Laissez les bons temps rouler," translates to, "Aw, shit, I need more bourbon. Les is going for it on fourth down."


Courtesy of The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman