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[TD="class: tr-caption, align: center"]Reed and Gillislee share a celebratory
jump upon learning of their adoptions
to loving people who happen to be rich[/TD]
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In the wake of the news that junior defensive tackle Sharrif Floyd was adopted by a man that provided impermissible benefits to him prior to adoption, six more Florida Gators have admitted to being adopted by "loving couples" of the program. Matt Elam, Mike Gillislee, Jacoby Brissett, Omar Hunter, Frankie Hammond, and Jordan Reed were all adopted within the past two years by different "families".
"There's nothing sinister behind this at all," said millionaire Edwin Wright, who adopted Gillislee last year. "That boy needed a home and it just so happens that I have three. No sense in letting those other two go to waste. My wife and I welcomed him into our hearts. He's a great kid, even if he is 21 years old and technically doesn't really need to be adopted."
It's unclear what this means for the players and the University of Florida going forward. At first glance it appears that these obviously loving couples and not shady boosters have found a potential loophole in the NCAA by-laws and will escape penalty. Will Muschamp was unavailable for comment as he had not returned from burying the Louisiana-Lafayette game film at the North Pole.
The players vehemently defend their adopted parents and insist this is not an attempt to circumvent the NCAA rules. "These people loves us, man," said an emotional Elam. "They give us love, shelter, food, video games, the decision to choose between a Rolls Royce or a tricked out Escalade, clothes, vacations to exotic islands, pet monkeys, jewelry, imported bottle water from Switzerland, private backyard performances from Jay-Z and Beyonce. All the stuff our biological parents were never able to give us, but wanted to so bad."
Other players on the team are patiently waiting in hopes that one day they too will be adopted. "It would be a dream to be adopted by some white folks. And if they happen to be rich, that's cool too," said Dominique Easley.
Not only are honest couples looking to adopt current players, but one couple is looking to adopt a few future players. Wealthy people Craig and Tammy Hartsock, who by total coincidence provide money to Florida's athletic program, are hoping to adopt five-star recruit Montravius Adams. "He really needs a home and we would just be tickled to death if we could sign, I mean, adopt this young man in need. We have so much mone--love! We have so much LOVE to give!"
Courtesy of The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman
