Here's the original, which was posted to an Auburn message board some time before 2006. Some LSU fans say it was just copypasta from a similar post between Iowa and Iowa State fans, but even if that's true, LSU owns it now and forever.
Anyway, here it is:
LSU fans smell just like corn dogs.
Yes, it is often said, but so, so true.
LSU fans do smell like corn dogs.
I would never tell them that to their face though. This is something better said at internet distances. Even now, I am afraid.
I am afraid that theyâll know I said it. Iâll walk past an LSU fan someday, and heâll see that look in my eye that gives it away. That look that says, âgee, what is that smell? Is it corn dogs?â The next thing you know, Iâll have flat tires on my car.
If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell LSU fans how they smell â you know, like corn dogs.
LSU fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole corn dog issue. I think this may be why a lot of fans get beaten up by LSU fans. If you attend a game in Baton Rouge, try to avoid telling them that they smell like corn dogs. Say something else instead. Like, âWow, LSU sure does have a great team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game.â
Itâs hard. I know. Itâs like when youâre having sex and you try to think about baseball. That corn dog smell is just so overwhelming. It makes it hard for you to think about football or baseball or whatever else. Your brain wanders into corn dog topics like: âGee, I wonder if I took a bite of your finger, if you would taste just like a corn dog?â; or âIs this a real person or is it a giant corn dog trying to make me think it is a real person?â or âWhat did that giant corn dog just say?â or âExcuse me, Mister, why is it that you smell just exactly like corn dogs smell?â or, of course, after a silencer: âMadam, did you just let the corn dogs out?â
Heck, after what Iâve heard about LSU fans, I think it may be better not to smell them at all. Okay, not all of them. Some of them are nice. Sure. Smell the nice ones. Thatâs okay.
You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them. They are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. But donât be obvious about it. Somehow they know youâre trying not to breathe in the corn dog smell. And that offends them. Theyâll likely punch you for that if they catch on to what youâre doing.
If you do breathe it in long enough, though, itâll permeate your whole body, and then youâll smell like a corn dog just like they do. But donât say, âDang, now I smell like a corn dog.â They take offense to that. And they will throw things. But not corn dogs. Hard stuff. Stuff that leaves bruises and makes you bleed. Then you may have to get stitches or something. Just donât say it. If you do start smelling like a corn dog, just shut up about it. Okay?
I think kids are acutely aware of corn dog smells too. Counsel your kids on how to behave around LSU fans. If LSU fans are driving around town, do not let your kids stick their heads out of your car window and sniff the air. No. Keep your windows rolled up. An odd change in their expression â indicating they smell corn dogs â might get a wrench or pipe or some other object tossed at your windshield. So, thatâs dangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows as you drive â on some other weekend.
I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this corn dog stuff. What puzzles me most is that Iâve never actually seen any of these LSU fans with a corn dog in their hand. Okay, maybe thereâs no mystery there â maybe they already ate the corn dogs. Who knows? Maybe thereâs a corn dog factory in Baton Rouge and they all work there. Maybe, thereâs a corn dog lotion that they wear, or a French perfume. Maybe their city council puts corn dog juice in the water supply â kind of like fluoride. The politics there are probably weird. The big political issue during the city election is whether they should add more ketchup or more mustard to the water. Donât comment on it though. Itâs not politically correct over there. Itâs like a malnutrition issue or something. Itâs like the corn dogs are probably added to the water to prevent starvation or something.
I know when you go to Baton Rouge, youâre thinking: âAhhhh. Here I am in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Iâll bet the people here smell just like boiled crawfish or shrimp etoufeâ or some fancy Cajun food.â But just stop thinking that. Thatâs just a myth. They smell just like corn dogs.
In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the corn dog odor. And donât try masking the odor with something stronger. Theyâll curse at you. Theyâll say something like: âWTF, how dare you smoke a cigar in my home,â or âWTF!! Are you too good for the smell of corn dogs?â and theyâll cuss out your kids too: âWTF!!! Little Mister fancy pants over here acts like he doesnât want to smell like corn dogs.â
Cajuns are not like us. Donât you see that, yet? They are really sensitive about being sniffed and about their corn dog aroma. They know they smell like corn dogs and it is no laughing matter to them at all. I know, I know. We sniff the Bammers and the UGA Dawgs and the Ole messes, and we keep a straight face with each of them, but donât press your luck with the Cajun tiger fans. Donât refer to Death Valley as corn dog valley either. I mean thatâs just wrong. Even if youâve been drinking, theyâll beat you up and curse out your kids.
Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction â even if youâre laughing about something else. Like baseball or football, or sex or whatever. If you canât control yourself and you must laugh though, do not snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell their corn dog body odor from a distance or that youâre choking on it or something. Theyâll likely burn your van for that. We lost a campus building over just one snort.
So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing each other. You can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams. You can enjoy the thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heed my words. Please just move along. No sniffing the opposing fans this Saturday. Okay? Get your corn dog jollies at home.
Enough with this corn dog talk. Letâs play ballâŚ[/size]
Anyway, here it is:
LSU fans smell just like corn dogs.
Yes, it is often said, but so, so true.
LSU fans do smell like corn dogs.
I would never tell them that to their face though. This is something better said at internet distances. Even now, I am afraid.
I am afraid that theyâll know I said it. Iâll walk past an LSU fan someday, and heâll see that look in my eye that gives it away. That look that says, âgee, what is that smell? Is it corn dogs?â The next thing you know, Iâll have flat tires on my car.
If you only learn one thing from me today, remember not to tell LSU fans how they smell â you know, like corn dogs.
LSU fans seem, somehow, sensitive to that whole corn dog issue. I think this may be why a lot of fans get beaten up by LSU fans. If you attend a game in Baton Rouge, try to avoid telling them that they smell like corn dogs. Say something else instead. Like, âWow, LSU sure does have a great team this year. This is going to be a great SEC game.â
Itâs hard. I know. Itâs like when youâre having sex and you try to think about baseball. That corn dog smell is just so overwhelming. It makes it hard for you to think about football or baseball or whatever else. Your brain wanders into corn dog topics like: âGee, I wonder if I took a bite of your finger, if you would taste just like a corn dog?â; or âIs this a real person or is it a giant corn dog trying to make me think it is a real person?â or âWhat did that giant corn dog just say?â or âExcuse me, Mister, why is it that you smell just exactly like corn dogs smell?â or, of course, after a silencer: âMadam, did you just let the corn dogs out?â
Heck, after what Iâve heard about LSU fans, I think it may be better not to smell them at all. Okay, not all of them. Some of them are nice. Sure. Smell the nice ones. Thatâs okay.
You know what else is a bad thing to do? Holding your nose around them. They are real sensitive to that, too. Try holding your breath. But donât be obvious about it. Somehow they know youâre trying not to breathe in the corn dog smell. And that offends them. Theyâll likely punch you for that if they catch on to what youâre doing.
If you do breathe it in long enough, though, itâll permeate your whole body, and then youâll smell like a corn dog just like they do. But donât say, âDang, now I smell like a corn dog.â They take offense to that. And they will throw things. But not corn dogs. Hard stuff. Stuff that leaves bruises and makes you bleed. Then you may have to get stitches or something. Just donât say it. If you do start smelling like a corn dog, just shut up about it. Okay?
I think kids are acutely aware of corn dog smells too. Counsel your kids on how to behave around LSU fans. If LSU fans are driving around town, do not let your kids stick their heads out of your car window and sniff the air. No. Keep your windows rolled up. An odd change in their expression â indicating they smell corn dogs â might get a wrench or pipe or some other object tossed at your windshield. So, thatâs dangerous. Let your kids stick their heads out of the car windows as you drive â on some other weekend.
I know you are just as puzzled as I am about some of this corn dog stuff. What puzzles me most is that Iâve never actually seen any of these LSU fans with a corn dog in their hand. Okay, maybe thereâs no mystery there â maybe they already ate the corn dogs. Who knows? Maybe thereâs a corn dog factory in Baton Rouge and they all work there. Maybe, thereâs a corn dog lotion that they wear, or a French perfume. Maybe their city council puts corn dog juice in the water supply â kind of like fluoride. The politics there are probably weird. The big political issue during the city election is whether they should add more ketchup or more mustard to the water. Donât comment on it though. Itâs not politically correct over there. Itâs like a malnutrition issue or something. Itâs like the corn dogs are probably added to the water to prevent starvation or something.
I know when you go to Baton Rouge, youâre thinking: âAhhhh. Here I am in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Iâll bet the people here smell just like boiled crawfish or shrimp etoufeâ or some fancy Cajun food.â But just stop thinking that. Thatâs just a myth. They smell just like corn dogs.
In fact, please listen to my advice. Leave them alone about the corn dog odor. And donât try masking the odor with something stronger. Theyâll curse at you. Theyâll say something like: âWTF, how dare you smoke a cigar in my home,â or âWTF!! Are you too good for the smell of corn dogs?â and theyâll cuss out your kids too: âWTF!!! Little Mister fancy pants over here acts like he doesnât want to smell like corn dogs.â
Cajuns are not like us. Donât you see that, yet? They are really sensitive about being sniffed and about their corn dog aroma. They know they smell like corn dogs and it is no laughing matter to them at all. I know, I know. We sniff the Bammers and the UGA Dawgs and the Ole messes, and we keep a straight face with each of them, but donât press your luck with the Cajun tiger fans. Donât refer to Death Valley as corn dog valley either. I mean thatâs just wrong. Even if youâve been drinking, theyâll beat you up and curse out your kids.
Along these lines, be extra careful when you laugh in their direction â even if youâre laughing about something else. Like baseball or football, or sex or whatever. If you canât control yourself and you must laugh though, do not snort. The snorting makes them think that you smell their corn dog body odor from a distance or that youâre choking on it or something. Theyâll likely burn your van for that. We lost a campus building over just one snort.
So, just remember. You can love one another without sniffing each other. You can enjoy the clash of a couple of good football teams. You can enjoy the thrill of the rivalry. But after the game, please heed my words. Please just move along. No sniffing the opposing fans this Saturday. Okay? Get your corn dog jollies at home.
Enough with this corn dog talk. Letâs play ballâŚ[/size]
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