The Back Alley Archives

Y'all know that I grew up Michigan and then spent eight lovely years at Florida, where I dated your moms but married my wife.

I bring this up because Michigan has been run by a fucking idiot for three years, who recruited grass-chewing two-star athletes to Ann Arbor. (He took over for a good man, Lloyd Carr, who won a national championship and ran a pretty clean program.)

Young Mr. Brady Hoke came into an ugly situation and has fashioned a 9-2 team that is gonna fuck the Buckeyes next week.


Our beloved UF program has been run by a fucking idiot for one year. Before that one disastrous year, we were the finest football program in America. We recruited a program full of four- and five-star pros-to-be.

Young Colonel Mustard has come into an ugly situation and has compounded the hell out of it. We now are 10-10 in our last twenty games, with four of those ten wins coming against sacrificial lambs. This means we're 6-10 lately against real teams.

What have we learned?

Oh. and by the way, you fat fuck: I know sometimes you call suicidal third-down plays just so you, having stood near the sideline for entire minutes at a time, can limp your sorry ass back to the magnesium-reinforced jumbo cooler you sit on.

Making calls to the NFL? Good.

Do not let the door hit you on the ass on the way out, though you'd never know.

if weis went out of his way to show his commitment to the university (not that i know he is or isn't), would that ease your concerns?

No, it would make me want to saw off my head.