"The formula in the past was to have a rock solid host in Chris Fowler. (Lee) Corso would be the silly one since he's old and senility is funny. Desmond the dumb one. Herbstriet's the good looking one, so people trust him, which made it advantageous for us to use him as the one to provide the real insight to the games. However, all of that's really racist and stereotypical when you think about it, so we wanted to flip Desmond and Kirk's roles this year," said ESPN ombudsman, Robert Lipsyte.
"People have to remember, ESPN is all about entertainment. It's the first letter in that acronym and we have found that saying dumb shit is the best way to get ratings and pageviews. If you learn anything from our programming, that's purely accidental. ESPN would prefer you either not learn a thing or lose a few points off your IQ so that you continue to gobble up our programming like a school of starving piranha. Our job is to rile up meatheads and business is good. ESPN's mission is entertainment first. Attractive sideline reporters second. Journalism third. FOX just hired Clay Travis and Craig James and we'll be damned if we're going to let them out-dumb us this season," Lipsyte continued as ESPN's First Take played in the background.
The Worldwide Leader knows that people will continue to watch and if they stop, they'll eventually come back. "We're like Facebook, you may bitch and complain about changes they make or that your friends post too many pictures of cats, but you still use it and if you do leave, you'll just come crawling back because where else are you going to go?"
Herbstriet tweeted an apology to the Gators after the game, saying, "Florida...I'm sorry. Nice win. Looked impressive. Beat a good team." Which is exactly what a dumb guy would say so as to not make himself appear so dumb.
Game Notes: In his first career start, Mack Brown rushed for 112 yards and two touchdowns on 25 carries and said he also had tears in his eyes coming out of the tunnel and threw up during the game providing the perfect metaphor for Florida football under Will Muschamp...Speaking of Muschamp, he said he will be in the parking lot on the west side of Ben Hill Griffin Stadium today at 3 p.m. waiting for any members of the media who want to come and try him...As good as Mack Brown was, Kelvin Taylor was obviously the story yesterday. Five carries for 43 yards in garbage time. The best garbage time performance since Mon Williams racked up 95 yards on nine carries against Western Carolina in 2006 and we all remember what an awesome career he went on to have at UF...With Georgia's loss to Clemson yesterday, Florida is still tied atop the SEC East standings with the Bulldogs, but I just wanted to point out that Georgia lost yesterday...Next week: Florida travels to the worst place on Earth: Miami. Tips to Gator fans traveling down there: 1) Don't. 2) If you absolutely must go to the game, wear a condom. Even if you're not planning on getting lucky, it's best just to wear one for safety. 2) Don't drink the water. There's nothing wrong with it that I know of, but you can never be too safe. 3) Ladies, the BangBus is lurking and it will find you if you are attractive. Just say no. 4) For the love of God, watch out for Chigger Dan The Cane Fan.
Courtesy of The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman