The Back Alley Archives

Look, I don't know who Florida is playing in the first round of the NCAA tourney. I googled, "North South East West University School" and got no results. So as far as I know, this opponent is completely made up and Florida is already in the 2nd round, which is pretty awesome. Big time kudos to the selection committee for giving an imaginary school a #14 seed. WHY AIN'T YOU BITCHIN' ABOUT THAT, JAY BILAS????



Founded: 1989. Washed up onshore in Myrtle Beach, SC after Hurricane Hugo rolled through. Town folk fixed it up real nice like. After some time, it packed up its things and moseyed on out of town. Headed west they say.




Location: To locate this school, press: North, North, South, South, West, East, West, East, B, A, Start.




Famous Alum: The Marlboro Man. Welcome to Flavor County, which is just north, but not too north, from the university's southwestern satellite campus.



Head Coach: Coachy Von Básköötbõl. He's Swiss or Venezuelan or something.



Strengths: This team will run you out of the gym because they scheduled practice there for two hours and you'll just have to wait or go elsewhere.




Weaknesses: Not effective cleaning the glass because they're not using Windex; opting, instead, for soap and water which leaves a residue. Dumb bastards.




Player to Watch: The kid with the hops. Kid has got some hops, lemme tell ya. Got more hops than Samuel Adams Brewery. Got more hops than the Easter Bunny. Kid got so many hops, he killed Pop.




Fun Fact: #14 seeds are lifetime 16-96 against #3 seeds, but have never defeated a #1 or #2 seed in the first round.



Courtesy of The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman

TUG, pickin up my slack!