The Back Alley Archives

Florida escaped a monumental upset yesterday on a miracle touchdown scored by Jelani Jenkins off of a blocked punt by Loucheiz Purifoy with .02 remaining in the game. The 27-20 win over Sun Belt opponent Louisiana-Lafayette came at a price for Will Muschamp, though. In order to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat, he made a deal with Satan to give up his first born son, Jackson, in exchange for the win. The deal was made late in the fourth quarter with Florida trailing 20-13.

"As I've said all along, I'm gonna do what needs to be done in order for us to win that week," said Muschamp after the game. "It may not be pretty and I may have to sacrifice my family members to get a win, but at the end of the day, the wins are what matter the most."


He spoke fondly of Jackson and showed some emotions hinting that he will miss him. "Jackson was a good kid. He'll be fine. He'll have the rest of the Saban family to take care of him in Hell. Carol and I can make another kid. This was about what's best for me and not losing to a team from the Sun Belt. I think we'll all agree I made the right decision."


This was the first time Muschamp has made a deal with the devil, statistically, it won't be his last. In a study released in November 2011, 87% of all football coaches in college and the NFL have made at least one deal with Satan at some point in their career. 71% of those coaches who made at least one deal, have also made two or more.


"Oh man, football coaches are big business with me," said a gleeful Satan. "I'd say about 3/4 of my business comes from football coaches. They are so dumb and so desperate to win that they come crawling to me to help them keep their jobs. Nick Saban, Les Miles, Urban Meyer, Lane Kiffin, even Mark Richt are some of my biggest clients. In fact, I'm meeting Saban for lunch today to discuss a new deal because his old one expired Friday night at midnight and I may or may not have let him know when it ended. [maniacal laughter]"


Notes: What the fuck was that? The game yesterday. What the fuck?...Jeff Driskel injured his ankle during the game. No word yet if he'll be available for next week's loss to Jacksonville State...The offensive line got some 'splaining to do...The Ragin' Cajuns have not beaten a ranked opponent in 16 years, so they were due to beat a top-10 SEC team on the road. We were all too blind to see it possibly coming...Attendance was outstanding! Nothing to see here, just move along...Next game: Jacksonville State at home. Kickoff is at 8 p.m. and will air on CBS.






Courtesy of The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman

A good effort, but I would have made a Spurrier joke in there somewhere. Something about the Spurrier being more evil or powerful than the Devil.

I dunno. I got nothing. I guess I should leave the jokes to TUG.