Scholars Baffled As To How Florida Scored 44 Points
Posted: Sun Oct 21, 2012 12:30 pm
Yesterday's 44-11 win over the South Carolina Gamecocks by Florida has left scholars from all over the world completely baffled. One look at the boxscore shows the Gators only accumulated 183 yards of total offense and yet, still managed to score 44 points without the aid of a defensive or special teams touchdown. Some of the brightest minds have been called upon to examine the boxscore and all have been left perplexed.
The rushing statistics alone have confounded all who have tried to dissect the game. Florida ran the ball 48 times for only 89 yards for an average of 1.9 ypc. Their longest run was 14 yards. Yet, they won time of possession 35:28 to 24:32.
One theory that has been offered is that one would had to have had watched the game to truly understand this mystery. "The explanation is rather simple, Florida was able to force four turnovers, which gave their offense excellent field position to score. They took advantage of those mistakes by South Carolina," explained Oxford professor, Dr. Henry Maxwell.
"He's wrong," said astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson. "I watched the game and none of it made sense to me and anyone who says they understand is lying to themselves, just like the score of this game is lying to us all. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. I can no longer believe for a fact that Pluto is a dwarf planet or that Neptune is 2.68 billion miles from Earth or that James Cameron was wrong about the position of the stars in Titanic before I said something. The belief that we own the truth is a fallacy. We will perish with the same amount of knowledge as when we were birthed into this world of falsehoods. Nothing is real. There are no facts and the sooner you realize this, the sooner you'll know true enlightenment. True knowledge will only come from freeing your mind of these lies that are being perpetuated. En Vogue was correct, 'free your mind and the rest will follow.'" Tyson continued his descent into madness before setting his library on fire and fleeing naked through the streets of New York.
Will Muschamp was asked to offer his explanation of what happened, but was too busy yelling at Brady Ackerman about the refs.
Notes: For the third game in a row, Jeff Driskel threw for less than 100 yards. "How come when he throws for less than 100 yards in a win, he's hailed as the next Tebow, but when I threw for less than 100 yards in a win, everyone told me I was the worst quarterback in Florida history?" said John Brantley...Steve Spurrier played a quick nine before the game and after shooting 7-over on the first five holes, swapped his driver for his 3-wood for the final four holes...I made it an entire week without making a cock joke. It's official--I'm an adult! So this is what it feels like, huh? Welp, ok then...Attendance was four (well, it was where I watched the game)...Next game: The World's Largest Outdoor Ass Whipping in Jacksonville. BRING ON THE DAWGS! Kickoff is at Fuck Georgia p.m. EST and will air on the Fuck Georgia Network. Fuck Georgia.
Courtesy of The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman
The rushing statistics alone have confounded all who have tried to dissect the game. Florida ran the ball 48 times for only 89 yards for an average of 1.9 ypc. Their longest run was 14 yards. Yet, they won time of possession 35:28 to 24:32.
One theory that has been offered is that one would had to have had watched the game to truly understand this mystery. "The explanation is rather simple, Florida was able to force four turnovers, which gave their offense excellent field position to score. They took advantage of those mistakes by South Carolina," explained Oxford professor, Dr. Henry Maxwell.
"He's wrong," said astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson. "I watched the game and none of it made sense to me and anyone who says they understand is lying to themselves, just like the score of this game is lying to us all. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. I can no longer believe for a fact that Pluto is a dwarf planet or that Neptune is 2.68 billion miles from Earth or that James Cameron was wrong about the position of the stars in Titanic before I said something. The belief that we own the truth is a fallacy. We will perish with the same amount of knowledge as when we were birthed into this world of falsehoods. Nothing is real. There are no facts and the sooner you realize this, the sooner you'll know true enlightenment. True knowledge will only come from freeing your mind of these lies that are being perpetuated. En Vogue was correct, 'free your mind and the rest will follow.'" Tyson continued his descent into madness before setting his library on fire and fleeing naked through the streets of New York.
Will Muschamp was asked to offer his explanation of what happened, but was too busy yelling at Brady Ackerman about the refs.
Notes: For the third game in a row, Jeff Driskel threw for less than 100 yards. "How come when he throws for less than 100 yards in a win, he's hailed as the next Tebow, but when I threw for less than 100 yards in a win, everyone told me I was the worst quarterback in Florida history?" said John Brantley...Steve Spurrier played a quick nine before the game and after shooting 7-over on the first five holes, swapped his driver for his 3-wood for the final four holes...I made it an entire week without making a cock joke. It's official--I'm an adult! So this is what it feels like, huh? Welp, ok then...Attendance was four (well, it was where I watched the game)...Next game: The World's Largest Outdoor Ass Whipping in Jacksonville. BRING ON THE DAWGS! Kickoff is at Fuck Georgia p.m. EST and will air on the Fuck Georgia Network. Fuck Georgia.
Courtesy of The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman
