The Back Alley Archives

Founded: Walter Harper awoke one morning, rolled over and whispered to his wife of 32 years, Marla, "My penis is made of spiders." Terrified, she fled and never came back. After she left, she traveled the world to connect with herself. In 1985, she read a book that changed her life, Starting A College For Dummies. By the end of the year, the state of Tennessee had their first major university where people took the academics seriously.


Location: Nashville, Tennessee. Also known as No Titletown, USA


Famous Alum: This is your yearly reminder that Skip Bayless attended Vanderbilt and all the reason why you should hope Vanderbilt burns to the ground and Godzilla pisses on the ashes for unleashing this Hell-spawn who routinely fucks the corpse of sports journalism that he helped murder along with a good portion of his colleagues at ESPN. Fuck Skip Bayless now and forever.


Head Coach: James Franklin (2nd season overall, 8-10). How's that whole wanting to become the Stanford of the east thing coming, James?

Strengths: Calculating the proper angle and velocity to complete a 50 yard pass.


Weaknesses: Catching that pass.


Player To Watch: Jordan Rodgers. He's really the only player I can think of off the top of my head. Did you know he's Aaron Rodgers' little brother and his dad is Bucky Dent and he's 6'8" and his roommate is Riley Cooper?


Fun Fact: If you catch a ball in the stands while attending a Vanderbilt home game, you get to suit up and play extensively in a game of your choosing.


Prediction: Florida 80-3. Typical letdown performance following a big win the week before.



Courtesy of The Unsportsmanlike Gentleman