The Back Alley Archives

I think the reason men (fathers, brothers, male friends, etc.) are protective of women in the regard m7's husband is protective is that women tend to go into relationships with a little more emotional attachment, commitment oriented, etc. Typically, they tend to "fall" for a guy quicker/easier than a guy towards a girl. Whereas a guy goes into relationships for the physical aspect. Thus, men tend to be protective of their women so as not to see them get hurt. Obviously, not all men are like that, and I'd argue that a majority AREN'T like that as they get older and find the "right" woman. However, when they're younger (teens to mid 20's or so) a committed relationship may not be the first thing (or even the 20th thing) they are thinking about when the meet a woman.

not to mention, if we're talking teenage pregnancy, who's stuck with having to make the decisions on the young girls desecrated body?

unwed teen mothers with babies from multiple fathers wish they had stereotypical fathers looking out for them i bet.

So you wouldn't need to protect your daughter if she's just in it for the sex like your son, then, right?

i think i do.....moreso.

I think the reason men (fathers, brothers, male friends, etc.) are protective of women in the regard m7's husband is protective is that women tend to go into relationships with a little more emotional attachment, commitment oriented, etc. Typically, they tend to "fall" for a guy quicker/easier than a guy towards a girl. Whereas a guy goes into relationships for the physical aspect. Thus, men tend to be protective of their women so as not to see them get hurt. Obviously, not all men are like that, and I'd argue that a majority AREN'T like that as they get older and find the "right" woman. However, when they're younger (teens to mid 20's or so) a committed relationship may not be the first thing (or even the 20th thing) they are thinking about when the meet a woman.

not to mention, if we're talking teenage pregnancy, who's stuck with having to make the decisions on the young girls desecrated body?

unwed teen mothers with babies from multiple fathers wish they had stereotypical fathers looking out for them i bet.

werd.

^^^So the teen boys that get these girls pregnant get a free pass? It's okay because they don't have to "deal" with the pregnancy? I tell you what, if Nate gets a girl pregnant he is going to be held just as accountable as the girl if I have anything to say about it. It takes two to tango.

^^^So the teen boys that get these girls pregnant get a free pass? It's okay because they don't have to "deal" with the pregnancy? I tell you what, if Nate gets a girl pregnant he is going to be held just as accountable as the girl if I have anything to say about it. It takes two to tango.

obviously not in your house and certainly not in mine....AGAIN - the masses don't think the way we do unfortunately...

not to mention, if we're talking teenage pregnancy, who's stuck with having to make the decisions on the young girls desecrated body?

unwed teen mothers with babies from multiple fathers wish they had stereotypical fathers looking out for them i bet.

Wouldn't your daughter be the one making the decisions about her body unless she continues making bad decisions after getting pregnant? Legally you may have control, but that doesn't mean you're "stuck", because you can always actually see what your daughter thinks and possibly let her make her own choice!

Also, why does sex = pregnancy. I know we're talking about young people who struggle with self-control so the risk for pregnancy may always be there. But that's not true for every girl. Girls are more responsible than guys. Put her on the pill. Problem solved.

I guess I just don't see the rationality in expecting every human being to remain sexually inactive in today's society until...I'm actually confused here too....until what? As a father, when do you think it's ok for your kids to become sexually active? When they get married? When they find a loving, committed relationship?

If one of your sons has sex in the few next years do you think you will consider his body to be desecrated?

I'm really trying to understand this here...cuz like always...I have no clue how it feels to have a kid and I've never really known any women who I felt needed my protection on a regular basis from the scheming of guys (I've only felt the need to protect in specific instances, i.e. too drunk to care for themself).

I dunno AA...I mean as mentioned our society thinks it's normal for a boy to lose his virginity when he's a teen (even before 18)...that's what bugs me about the whole teen pregnancy thing. It's not all the girl's fault. One would think if the boys weren't asking for it, the girls wouldn't be giving it away. I think we're all in agreement, sort of, but I will expect that both my girls and boy will at least wait until their in a adult (over 18) committed relationship until they have sex. But I think most dad's would think that the girl should be older and the boys don't have to 18. And I personally think this line of thinking ALSO plays a part in the teen pregnancy issue.

boy getting laid at 16 = cool
girl getting laid at 16 = slut (no offense to the ladies that got laid at 16...just how society can see things right or wrong)

I dunno AA...I mean as mentioned our society thinks it's normal for a boy to lose his virginity when he's a teen (even before 18)...that's what bugs me about the whole teen pregnancy thing. It's not all the girl's fault. One would think if the boys weren't asking for it, the girls wouldn't be giving it away. I think we're all in agreement, sort of, but I will expect that both my girls and boy will at least wait until their in a adult (over 18) committed relationship until they have sex. But I think most dad's would think that the girl should be older and the boys don't have to 18. And I personally think this line of thinking ALSO plays a part in the teen pregnancy issue.

Definitely before 18. Most girls lose it before then as well. I certainly knew more sexually active people in high school than those who remained virgins. With the way everything is going, the gap is sure to widen even more. By the time Nate's in high school, most freshmen will probably be doing the dirty.

LOL...so true Todd. I remember going to college and really having a tough time getting a guy to go out with me more than once. They were nice guys too, but when they learned I was a virgin and I was really not gonna give it up until I was in a relationship, it was "see ya". Then I finally got my first real boyfriend and boy, was he the luckiest guy in the world...I went nuts after the first time! Let that be a lesson for you guys!!! LOL [img]{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lmao.gif[/img]

One would think if the boys weren't asking for it, the girls wouldn't be giving it away.

I know more than one girl that tried giving it away without a guy asking for it. Lets be somewhat fair here.

Werd...asking for it, or wanting it.

I guess in the end I'm against imposing a rigid standard like that because I'd rather trust my kids to come to their own conclusions about sex responsibly and decide for themselves how they should order their values. I don't think that I'd be able to expect my kids to meet adult/committed relationship standard. Ultimately, I don't think I'd have a problem with my kids having sex once they reach 18, regardless of relationship status (I would expect them to be safe and smart). I don't think NSA sex is inherently bad so I don't think it's my place to expect my kids to necessarily avoid it. Of course, I'm just talking hypotheticals here because who knows how I would end up feeling in reality.

I'm not saying anyone is wrong in what they expect from their kids because, well, they are YOUR kids. Y'all do a damn fine job (better than I could do) and this discussion isn't coming from a place of judgment.

I just can't help but ask questions when society's values seem curious to me.

not to mention, if we're talking teenage pregnancy, who's stuck with having to make the decisions on the young girls desecrated body?

unwed teen mothers with babies from multiple fathers wish they had stereotypical fathers looking out for them i bet.

Wouldn't your daughter be the one making the decisions about her body unless she continues making bad decisions after getting pregnant? Legally you may have control, but that doesn't mean you're "stuck", because you can always actually see what your daughter thinks and possibly let her make her own choice!

Also, why does sex = pregnancy. I know we're talking about young people who struggle with self-control so the risk for pregnancy may always be there. But that's not true for every girl. Girls are more responsible than guys. Put her on the pill. Problem solved.

I guess I just don't see the rationality in expecting every human being to remain sexually inactive in today's society until...I'm actually confused here too....until what? As a father, when do you think it's ok for your kids to become sexually active? When they get married? When they find a loving, committed relationship?

If one of your sons has sex in the few next years do you think you will consider his body to be desecrated?

I'm really trying to understand this here...cuz like always...I have no clue how it feels to have a kid and I've never really known any women who I felt needed my protection on a regular basis from the scheming of guys (I've only felt the need to protect in specific instances, i.e. too drunk to care for themself).

i truly respect your views in that you're coming with open mind and an understanding that what you may or may not think could be slanted since you've not yet been there with respects to rearing children....you've always stated that and it's appreciated nonetheless.

unfortunately, there is a world of theory and a world of reality...theory takes a back seat when reality is calling.

the example i used was that of a teenage pregnancy...teens are hardly in a position to make those sort of decisions for themselves without the guidance and advice of those who are responsible for them...namely their parents....in THEORY, the child should be practicing good judgment (obviously not)...in REALITY, there is much work needed in guiding and advising.

in that same example, i meant 'stuck' in terms of the REALITY that ultimately, it will be the girl and her family's responsibility with regards to how they will address their daughters situation...in THEORY, it should be a joint effort...both boy and girl....so if you are the father of a pregnant teen, the REALITY is that you've got to deal in the worst case scenarios.

sex=pregnancy...obviously that's not the case but no sex = no pregnancy....now THAT is definitely the case....all we can do is positively reinforce that education and being a positive influence to society is all that matters at this young tender age...if you're doing a good job and your children buy into it, then you're doing better than the other guy who's struggling or who doesn't give a shit....the line between those who could give a shit and those who are sending bad messages is a fine, fine line.

there's no manual on what age is appropriate for sex...it's definitely a case by case basis...again - we are actively involved with our childrens lives and hope we are providing them a fighting chance in making their own decisions....supporting smutty shots of hannah montana aint supportive of that....that's for shit sure....ideally and in THEORY, marriage would be nice...in REALITY, i should hope the shenanigans of relations won't get in the way in getting an education, a career, a future.

if my son was having sex, i wouldn't consider him to have desecrated his body....i would however feel that way if my daughter was....having said that, i wouldn't be glorifying his conquests...that's idiotic....i wouldn't condone that either.


in the end, there is a double standard out there and for good reason.

girls (and their families) will have to bear the brunt of those bad decisions
boys do not.

in theory, boys should...in the reality, they don't have to.

I guess in the end I'm against imposing a rigid standard like that because I'd rather trust my kids to come to their own conclusions about sex responsibly and decide for themselves how they should order their values. I don't think that I'd be able to expect my kids to meet adult/committed relationship standard. Ultimately, I don't think I'd have a problem with my kids having sex once they reach 18, regardless of relationship status (I would expect them to be safe and smart). I don't think NSA sex is inherently bad so I don't think it's my place to expect my kids to necessarily avoid it. Of course, I'm just talking hypotheticals here because who knows how I would end up feeling in reality.

I'm not saying anyone is wrong in what they expect from their kids because, well, they are YOUR kids. Y'all do a damn fine job (better than I could do) and this discussion isn't coming from a place of judgment.

I just can't help but ask questions when society's values seem curious to me.

that's why i think you're so kick ass. you've got your theory...yet you understand the reality of it all.

I think rad nailed that one. (no pun intended).

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The only "brunt of those bad decisions" I can think of that can't be easily avoided/solved is the decision whether to have an abortion. I can understand wanting to protect someone from that decision I guess, because it seems to be a tough thing for some (maybe many or most? I don't know) women who go through it.

I guess there are also some STDs out there that may be difficult to avoid given a promiscuous lifestyle. But again, I don't think promiscuous is inherently irresponsible. I think there's a responsible version of promiscuous that exists and it doesn't bother me.

Here's 2 questions for the parents: Would you ever buy your underage son condoms? Would you ever buy your underage daughter birth control or condoms?

The only "brunt of those bad decisions" I can think of that can't be easily avoided/solved is the decision whether to have an abortion. I can understand wanting to protect someone from that decision I guess, because it seems to be a tough thing for some (maybe many or most? I don't know) women who go through it.

I guess there are also some STDs out there that may be difficult to avoid given a promiscuous lifestyle. But again, I don't think promiscuous is inherently irresponsible. I think there's a responsible version of promiscuous that exists and it doesn't bother me.

Here's 2 questions for the parents: Would you ever buy your underage son condoms? Would you ever buy your underage daughter birth control or condoms?

the brunt of having to raise a child (very costly), the brunt of having to raise a bastard child, the brunt of having to be a single parent, the brunt of having to delay ones education, the brunt of having to delay ones career path, the brunt of having to burden your parents....lots of brunts.

i am not buying my son condoms nor am i buying pills for my daughters....it promotes sex and i won't have that....money will be available if they require it....i don't know what they need it for but if i'm being asked for some pocket change, i'll give it to them if it's the last cent in my pocket....but to provide that is to promote that and i don't believe that is consistent with my teachings and my advice....i'll buy em computers and laptops and cars and clothes and anything else they need to advance their studies and obtain a career...there's a religious reason that i've side stepped but i'm sure there's others that can take up the slack for me in that regard.

Here's 2 questions for the parents: Would you ever buy your underage son condoms? Would you ever buy your underage daughter birth control or condoms?

As the father of a boy and a girl, my answer to both is yes.

However, to get to that point will require lots and lots of conversation, unlimited access of dear ol' dad into said children's social lives, a very open and frank set of discussions about what sex means and the repercussions of that activity.

What I'm saying is that all those brunts are avoidable with either (1) some form of birth control or (2) an abortion.

I had an inclination your religious views play into this, and they should...they are obviously fundamental principles for you and your family. I can see why it would be more difficult for you to support the message that sex is OK if it's responsible. There are more guidelines that you believe in and use to raise your kids.

I just know it seems pretty easy (to me) to grow up in a more open household (where your parents will provide birth control if necessary) and succeed in life without a teenage pregnancy. My two brothers and I are a testament to that.

What I'm saying is that all those brunts are avoidable with either (1) some form of birth control or (2) an abortion.

I had an inclination your religious views play into this, and they should...they are obviously fundamental principles for you and your family. I can see why it would be more difficult for you to support the message that sex is OK if it's responsible. There are more guidelines that you believe in and use to raise your kids.

I just know it seems pretty easy (to me) to grow up in a more open household (where your parents will provide birth control if necessary) and succeed in life without a teenage pregnancy. My two brothers and I are a testament to that.

yeah but you've not had sex since 1998 [img]{SMILIES_PATH}/popcorn1.gif[/img]

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