The Back Alley Archives

That's what I hear.

She is complaining about this because, Doc, what she really wants is for you to dump a bucket of latex paint over her head and then chase her madly around the office until you corner her in a mop closet, where she will, with faint exhalations of mock objection, closet your mop.

Seize the day.

Early '90s Cavaliers are great cars for rock murals.

My wife just befriended a Ms. Zapruder, daughter (or granddaughter?) of, you guessed it. So that launched a late-night watching and rewatching and rewatching of the Kennedy assassination around our kitchen table. It is not a happy thing. It's always reassuring to find that your betrothed is fascinat...

The head is a vast and mysterious playground for bullets.

He brought in some big nasty grown-ass linemen. I am tired of seeing the Gators outmuscled as if we were Vandy.

Alabama's defensive front seven is gonna change the weather around the SEC for a few years.

Oh, that's right, I forgot, because Urban Meyer is FUCKIN MAGIC.

Like his first year (9-4) or his last (8-5). Sorry. He did a good job coaching Tim Tebow and Brandon Spikes. But he doesn't have either of those guys or their like at OSU right now.

Easy money, you're right. Here's their schedule:

http://www.fbschedules.com/ncaa-12/big- ... hedule.php

Cal, at MSU, Nebraska, at Wisconsin, Michigan. And, come on, they were 6-7 and we trounced them. They'll be better but not by that much.

Yes we did, Slide, and we had HOPE during the Zook years. Zook lost five games a year, but he was always crazy and he was always dangerous and we were never so impotent as we were the last year or two.

Let me remind everyone: 7-6. Three of those wins were against sacrificial lambs.

It'll feel good once we don't suck.

Right now?

We suck.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/ja ... story.html

This guy is a firecracker. Look out, Muschamp. The basement is not so far away as it used to be.

I want another Wuerffel, thanks.

I'll give him one thing: he got John Brantley out of the Urban Meyer spread and into a pro-style offense, where he looked like a promising sophomore. Trouble is, he isn't a sophomore.

The rest of the offense? I am not sure he knew anyone else by name.

PS: Fuck that guy.

Fuck that guy. Never ever enter the state of Florida again. How he got a job off this outhouse of a season is beyond me, but I guess I'm thankful.

Yes we did, but not in a championship game. It was a 4 v 1 game, if I remember correctly. It was our regular gig -- SEC Champ goes to the Sugar Bowl. The media throws that out there inappropriately, because it's not the same thing.

I don't know. I think 6-6 UF vs 6-6 OSU is a cruel joke upon the universe. What's more, the Bears went from great to shit in no time. I think it's time to start thinking about the Washington Nationals.

Wow, the Gator Bowl used to be a pretty dignified affair.

Did better than Muscough cough cough.

My good friend who's a Buckeye has nothing but dread over the Meyer hire.

I just trimmed four paragraphs of gaseous invective. I'm going to post just a few thoughts instead. - Fucking terrible; I'm sure you all agree. - This offensive line: is anyone coaching them? Are they just making shit up? - I will not watch the bowl game. I cannot. It would be unhealthy. - Zook's er...

No, it would make me want to saw off my head.

Oh. and by the way, you fat fuck: I know sometimes you call suicidal third-down plays just so you, having stood near the sideline for entire minutes at a time, can limp your sorry ass back to the magnesium-reinforced jumbo cooler you sit on. Making calls to the NFL? Good. Do not let the door hit you...

Y'all know that I grew up Michigan and then spent eight lovely years at Florida, where I dated your moms but married my wife. I bring this up because Michigan has been run by a fucking idiot for three years, who recruited grass-chewing two-star athletes to Ann Arbor. (He took over for a good man, Ll...

I will say this: a 6-6 Gators team is a better team than a 9-3 MAC or MWC or Big East team. But no 6-6 team, ever, even if it has Jesus on it, should ever be in a bowl. We'll beat Furman and become bowl-eligible. Yes. And I will watch us v. FSU. I will watch a 7-5 UF team in a bowl game. To do that,...